What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
