I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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