You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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