Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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