Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize