I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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