he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
