I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
