My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
