When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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