Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i think i have herpe
just one?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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