can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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