if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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