Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
