never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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