dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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