Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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