So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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