The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
