go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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