i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
