I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
