How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize