I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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