I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
