You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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