I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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