hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
