Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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