Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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