Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
