He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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