Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
