Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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