I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
