its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
