So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
