Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
