Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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