I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
