just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
