margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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