Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
