im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just found puke in my bra..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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