Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
