I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
