Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
