Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
