i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
