my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
