I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
