I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
