I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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