what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
