Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
