its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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