i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
