my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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