I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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