Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
