My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
