Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
