dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
