what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My feet surprised me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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