and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize