True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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