I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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