whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
