I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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