I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
