I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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