i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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