oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
