its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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