This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
