a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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