i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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