Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
