note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
