He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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