Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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