Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize