too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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