I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
