Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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