I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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