it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
