Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
