"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Send help, water and tortillas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
