He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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