I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I want a musical about memes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
