What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize