Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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