so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
